The drop off at the mtc was absolutely horrendous. They swept me away and dropped my bag off somewhere and I went through all these lines in tears while everyone else was just fine no tears. But while I was in line I found sister Jacobson my companion. I'm so grateful for her. I hugged her and we did the rest together. We had 10 minutes to unpack and set up our phone and head to our class. We got so lost and were 30 minutes late to class. So embarrassing. Wanted to come home. During that I realized I left my medication in the car yayaya. My head has been pounding. The teacher was like you can really feel the spirit here and I'm like I feel nothing but stress anxiety and scared. Oh and exhausted. After class we went straight to a big meeting then straight to dinner. There's like no time to eat. I had to shovel my food in and I had only one option to eat. Yay. At least I got a gf cookie. After that was a devotional and it went 35 minutes over. But it was good except my head was pounding. Then showering was low key hard because they're so small and only two hooks. I am so tired. No tears. Sister Jacobson got me my favorite frootie tootsies. Made my whole 18 months.
Thursday August 31st
I had no tears. Good day but felt misplaced. Got to go to temple for baptisms that was great. Elders got a talking to about chasing the spirit away with childish things they need to leave behind. Gluten free meals are actually good here. I've only been drinking apple juice even though there is every option. Gf cookies are fantastic. Another meeting that went over 30 minutes later than suppose to. Bad meeting. Lots of incorrect things said, elders being attacked for not being able to talk to sisters without flirting and how their phone needs to be watched by companions because elders are the ones with problems. Stuff about Elders always being the problem basically. Sisters only concerned about others not liking their dress color. Trust me that's my last concern. Lots of judgmental, not loving comments coming from our branch president's wife. Super uncomfortable meeting. We move past it and remember we believe in the doctrine|gospel of Jesus Christ which is what the church really is. The church isn't the people and people aren't perfect but the gospel and Jesus Christ are. We have a great district with unique talents and personalities that makes learning so much better. Ultimately today was good. I am so tired, very tired.
Friday September 1,
Woke up feeling great and had a good breakfast. Companion study was focused on our helping other appointment( a lesson we get to teach) . We did really well and were able to teach the sweetest lady. By my second class I was dead. Everyone was falling asleep and struggling. Meals here have been really good especially for me having to eat gluten free. My companion is still amazing. I am working on memorizing the first vision. Got half of it down today. I wish we had more time to study what we want to. A lot of our study time is used to prepare to teach. But today in personal study we studied what we have been wanting to and that was so great. Our workshop(basically a devotional) was good. I really like the analogy of being fishers of men. Sometimes reeling in a fish takes forever sometimes its quick. Same with conversion of others. Sometimes fish grab a bite but never get reeled in and sometimes as missionaries we just plant seeds and never reel the people in so to speak. The longer our pole is in the water the more likely we are to make a difference and reach more people. There's lots more I can say but I'll end there. I am having a good time and adjusting well. Excited to go to bed tonight a little early.
Saturday September 2nd,
We got to go to the temple today and it was amazing. I had such a good time and could really feel the spirit. You really can feel the lords presence. Food today was not good and I realized tomorrow is fast Sunday so pray I don't pass out because I didn't have much to eat today. Today was hard but good in different ways. I was really missing home but then we exercised as a district and I got to know them better and that kept me really occupied. I got a little caught up in my home life but oh well I can only keep improving and try and stay focused. I feel like I knew some of my district in the pre-existent world(life before earth where we were all just spirits hanging out with god) they just seem way too familiar but I can't place why.
Sunday September 3rd.
It's been two weeks since I have been set apart as a missionary that seems so crazy to me. I taught in relief society about the book of mormon and how it can answer questions of our soul. I ate a horrendous dinner and felt so sick before and after it. During the devotional and district meeting was the best part of the day. An elder shared that he might be going home and the reasons he felt that God was telling him he needed to go were reasons I felt confirmed to me that I was where I needed to be. I was overwhelmed. He shared exactly what I needed to hear it felt like the lord was taking to me through this elder. God is so good and knows you.
Monday
We got a new teacher, our second teacher got reassigned due to school starting. We had a sub today and it went great. "The mission is 10% of your first 20 years on earth. It's the tithing of your life" I found the little store and got myself some chips and salsa. It was dang good. Played some volleyball for exercise today.
Spiritual thoughts moments etc
- Eternal families are so dear to me. I've always stated I will get married in the temple because I want for eternity not till death do you part. I was talking with some sisters about this subject and started to choke up talking about wanting to be with my family forever. I love my parents, my siblings, my grandparents, my cousins, my aunt, my uncles. It's special to me to think through Christ we can live for eternity together.
- Prayer is so real. I have prayed a lot this week and I'm telling you god is listening. If you go with a question and an open mind and heart you will get answered. I have seen this a lot this week. I prayed for an awesome companion and got the perfect one. I prayed for the spirit and I had it. I prayed for my teaching lessons to go well and I said things I didn't even know. I prayed to love more and I saw people in a whole new way and just really enjoyed them. I have prayed for sleep and have slept better than I have in my queen bed for the last idk 8 years. I prayed for strength and I have been so happy and not worried. I have prayed and prayed and I have been given what I need. Guys prayer is real. God is real. He wants to hear from you and wants to comfort and guide you.
- We need to have faith without sight. "
- Truth is restored again, truth is on the earth once more" the spirit testifies that those words are true
- Alma 29:3 "But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me." MTC president shared this when talking about his conversion and asking if the BoM is true when he knew it was already. I learned today that a lot of us struggle with having crazy personal revelation, conversion or discerning the spirit. Most people have a sunrise testimony which gets brighter and brighter with time.
- "We need to have faith without a sign constantly, having a sign is kind of like taking away our agency of choosing to have faith."
- "You didn't get the answer because you know enough."
- "Through faith you don't need that big woah, sometimes it's a sunrise."
- "Don't look down look up, the sun is rising, God isn't going to tap us on the shoulder, we just need to look up, look up the sun is already there"
- "No matter what happens god will still love you he will guide you down the path you need to go... you need to listen to my promptings. Heavenly Father loves you and is never disappointed. He is so very proud of you. He forgives you of all your mistakes. He will give you strength for the things he asks of you."
- "What your expectation is of life is not what God has planned for you. "
Sometimes God's plan is confusing but it is indeed his plan. He knows what he is doing. He knows you and knows what's best for you. He has the ultimate power to see the ending before it has come. He knows where you need to go when you need to go. Get that relationship with him so you can hear his plan for you. Our God is a God you want to come to know. He is waiting at the door, turn the handle and let him in.
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